saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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