weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
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Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
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We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
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