Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize