Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Randomize
