Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
