Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
