Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
