Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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