Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I fill condoms, not promises.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
