I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
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yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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