PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
