It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
This house was built for laser tag.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
