if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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