Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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