he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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