forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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