If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
