guys are only as good as the porn they watch
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
