I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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