I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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