I wish life had little blips of pornography
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
