We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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