I only kidnapped one of them. chill
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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