why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
