Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Randomize
