I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
