Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
