i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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