Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
