Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
When are your genitals available?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
