I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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