I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
