so that wasnt chicken after all
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize