So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize