dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
