obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
