I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
