Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
