So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Randomize
