a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
