he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
She told me I should be a condom model.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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