that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
