the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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