you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
