He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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