im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
