I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
