Don't you send me to vm
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
