dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
