Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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