I puked a lego.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
