There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
do nipples grow back?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
