ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
