I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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