I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
