Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
