i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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