Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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