Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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