Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
