it wasn't lemon gatorade
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
only you would photoshop your dick
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
