you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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