you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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