I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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