I wish my penis had an off switch
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
