It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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