So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
