The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Randomize
