his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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