Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
