Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
