i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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