Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize