i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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