I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I will pee on everything he values.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
