I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Randomize
